Seeking Arrangement Sugar Baby Profile Examples. Seeking Arrangement is the most popular sugar dating site. Sugar babies and sugar daddies both use the app and website to meet and discover each other. Some are kind enough to share their Seeking Arrangement sugar baby profile. Check out the photos below to see how they write their profile. On a whim during her senior year at Tufts University, Sara-Kate joined Seeking Arrangement, a popular app that matches wannabe sugar babies and daddies to create potentially lucrative arrangements. The first excursion she went on through the app was, to her, much like a 'normal date' — other than the way it ended. Seeking Arrangement Sugar Baby Profile Examples. Seeking Arrangement is the most popular sugar dating site. Sugar babies and sugar daddies both use the app and website to meet and discover each other. Some are kind enough to share their Seeking Arrangement sugar baby profile. Check out the photos below to see how they write their profile.
'This can't be real.'
The thought flashed through my mind as I watched her walk towards me.
She was tall, slender, blonde, sporting a tight black dress and looking as if she'd just finished a photo shoot for her million-follower Instagram account.
My internal monologue was racing as she walked in my direction.
'She's probably just a look-alike' I thought, unable to believe that this was the girl I was meeting.
But then…
She looked directly into my eyes, smiled, waved, and walked directly over to my table.
'Hi, I'm Megan' she said, settling into her seat.
'This is real' I thought and extended my hand to introduce myself.
I'd 'met' the woman in question not three days before during a blind experiment I conducted while rewriting my underground cult classic The Dating Playbook for Men.
Though she was undeniably attractive, it was not her beauty that was responsible for my incredulity, but the way in which I'd met her.
A few weeks prior, I'd been sitting at a bar with a friend, discussing unique ways to meet high quality women. While we were chatting, he reluctantly told me about a website where, he alleged, you could find 'thousands of attractive women…but you have to pay to go out with them and do, well other activities.'
I thought he was joking. Something like that couldn't exist…could it? And if it did, how the hell have I (or the authorities) never heard of it?
I was intrigued to say the least…
Could there really be an elite sexual underworld going on in every city across the country where the highest bidder could sleep with and date the most attractive women?
On a whim, I decided to create an account on the site and see what was really going on.
What Is Sugar Dating and How Does it Work?
Now, before we delve too deeply into the dark waters of my little experiment, it's important to clarify what it is we're talking about in the first place.
Sugar dating, as it's commonly called, a rich, typically older man (sugar daddy) provides 'sponsorship' to a young attractive woman (sugar baby). Typically in the form of a monthly cash allowance, travel, shopping or rent assistance.
What does a sugar baby do in return?
Typically, they offers companionship and (often) sexual intimacy.
However, it's important to point out that not all sugar baby/sugar daddy relationships look the same. The context and paradigm of these relationships are as variable as the people who engage in them.
I discovered older divorcees interested in dating younger men, women who were uninterested in financial compensation and simply wanted a partner who had his life together, and of course, there are plenty of women who made it abundantly clear that every 'meeting' would have a steep cost of $400-$1,000. Ouch!
There were individuals looking for discreet sexual relationships, platonic companionship, partners willing to accommodate their hectic business and travel schedule, and everything in between.
Seeing this diversity among the sugar dating community, the fact still remained. No matter how well you spin it the overwhelming majority of people on the platform were there for one reason.
To exchange intimate and sexual companionship for money.
And, despite the surprising abundance of sugar dating sites available, the overwhelming majority of individuals flocked to a single platform.
A sugar dating site called SeekingArrangement.com
As soon as I logged on, thousands of sugar babies popped up–and those were only the women who met my specific search criteria in my zip code.
New women were joining every hour as I would hit refresh and a new sugar baby was born and I found myself wondering…just how many men and women are engaged in this and more importantly, why?
Startling Facts About the Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby Lifestyle and Seeking Arrangement
First, using Google's keyword tool reveals that the keyword 'How to find a sugar daddy' gets between 10,000 and 100,000 searches per month.
However, the keyword 'How to find a sugar baby' gets only 100-1,000 searches per month. That's more than a 100X difference of women searching for a sugar daddy vs men searching for a sugar baby!
And looking at data from Seeking Arrangement itself, we discover that, of the 10,000,000 (yes ten million) active users inside of the United States, there are three sugar babies for every one sugar daddy.
Meaning that there are more than 6.7 million sugar babies in the United States and that's just on this one site of many that exist
A perfunctory glance at this number doesn't appear too alarming. After all, 6.7 million is only 2% of the population, but when you dive a bit deeper you realize just how significant this number is.
According to the U.S. Census, there are roughly 113 million people in the United States between the ages of 18 and 44. And roughly 51% of this population is female.
So now, we have an estimated 60,180,000 women between the ages of 18 and 44. And of those women, more than 6,700,000 are on Seeking Arrangement.
This means that of the women inside of the average man's dating pool (based on age), more than 10% of them are currently or have been sugar babies in the past.
And that number is only growing…
But, as I began to explore this underworld, I couldn't help but wonder…how will this affect dating culture as we know it?
Does Seeking Arrangement Give Men an Advantage or Disadvantage?
My mind started spinning as I checked my message inbox. In the sixty minutes since I'd created my account, I'd sent out five messages to sugar babies. And staring back at me from my dimly lit monitor, were five, almost immediate positive responses.
WTF this was new.
I've actively used dating apps and websites for the better part of a decade and I'd never experienced this high and quick of a response rate, let alone responses that were this positive and forward about meeting up.
On Tinder, Bumble or Hinge, where the dating market is skewed heavily in women's favor as the selector, most men, even high quality men, are something of a disposable item on those traditional dating apps. Responses go unread for months, matches go cold in a matter of days, and, on the rare occasion you do strike up a conversation with someone whom you're attracted to, the odds of it turning into a date hover around 15% (and that's good!).
Yet here I was, with five different women trying to meet up with me. And then, something happened that perfectly illustrates just how profoundly sugar dating changes the dating dynamics for men.
As I was scrolling through the list of women in my area, I came across a woman I'd 'met' the week before on Tinder who even had the same profile photos. After matching with and messaging her, she'd been short-tempered, cold and rude.
So, as a test I sent her a message on Seeking Arrangement without sharing my photos to see her response. And the very next day, I couldn't believe it, the same girl shot back a response but this time eager and excited and even asked if I wanted to meet up for drinks next week.
Needless to say, on Seeking Arrangement, women treat men differently. Responses are prompt and kind even if she has no idea what you look like or who you are.
Sure, there were plenty of rather 'innocent' women who made it clear that they were not interested in a monetary exchange–they simply wanted a man with a modicum of financial stability and the capacity to hold down a job longer than her ex boyfriends did.
Within a few days, I had dozens of phone numbers, scheduled multiple dates, and had countless women asking me when I would be available to meet.
On Seeking Arrangement, it appears that men or sugar daddies are suddenly placed in the driver's seat. Calling the shots and having their pick of sugar babies without any sense of scarcity or fear of rejection.
I was showered in compliments and praise so frequently and so fervently, that I began to feel like I was frequenting an online strip club–as if it was the job of these women to make men feel respected and desired. There must be a catch?
It was a small taste of what I imagine most beautiful women have felt on a daily basis since hitting puberty. My options seemed limitless, but something didn't feel right in my stomach, and I wondered how far down this rabbit hole I would go?
As I browsed through hundreds of seemingly attractive women, I began to doubt the veracity of the profiles I was seeing. Surely, the women with whom I was engaging weren't really the women I saw in the photos?
A high-quality, sophisticated woman would never use a site like this…
…Would she?
Am I 'Seeking' a Sugar Baby, Stripper, or a Girl Next Door?
What surprised me most about my time on Seeking Arrangement was how seemingly 'normal' most of the women were. It wasn't like I was talking with uneducated women or drug addled strippers trying to earn money in between dances.
In fact, most of the women I met seemed like your typical 'girl next door' mostly worried about their tuition, student loans, making rent or just wanted extra cash to fuel a better lifestyle. Many of them were college educated, some of them graduates from prestigious universities and, in several cases, Phds.
I was curious, but still hesitant. 'This can't be real.' I convinced myself.
To my naive and innocent mind, there was simply no chance in hell that the women with whom I was connecting were really them.
To think that this many women were being undercover sugar babies was unbelievable.
I assumed that the whole thing was a giant catfish scheme and my date, despite what she presented online, would indeed show up covered in tattoos she'd gotten in prison and reeking of a freshly smoked crack pipe.
For days I engaged in an internal debate about whether or not I should pursue this channel any further. Sure, I didn't want to be disappointed. But there was a deeper more potent emotion fueling my hesitancy.
I didn't want to believe that so many women, and likely many women I'd dated in the past, were now engaged in something that felt so wrong.
Of course, the women I desire sometimes go out to bars on the weekends, have a few drinks with girlfriends, and maybe the occasional joint to take the edge off of a long day, but that is the extent of their debauchery.
Surely, quality women wouldn't be found on a website like Seeking Arrangement. They had reputations to protect, standards to maintain, and an already abundant pool of men begging to date them. Right?
But I'd come this far…and I wanted to know the truth. I wanted to know the realities facing men today and the potential problem posed by the now transactional nature of dating, romance and intimacy.
And so, I replied to a sugar baby, 'I'll see you tomorrow at 7 pm'.
My Unusual Experiences and Lessons Learned Meeting Sugar Babies from Seeking Arrangement
As I found myself sitting at the bar with 'Megan' (from the introduction), I felt a sense of nervousness and unease creeping through me.
Looking around the bar, I noticed a brawny middle aged just out of prison looking man eyeing us a few times as he nursed the same bourbon neat, for nearly half an hour.
'Shit!' I thought to myself, 'Is that her bodyguard? Was he going to come kick my ass if I didn't fork over cash at the end of our rendezvous?
What the hell have I gotten myself into?
As the minutes passed by and the aforementioned man quietly left the bar, my queasiness was replaced by a growing sense of bewilderment.
The girl sitting across from me was, despite her outward beauty, rather normal, in fact, quite interesting.
We'd been talking for more than an hour and never once had she mentioned money, Seeking Arrangement or any sort of 'allowance.' This was just a normal interaction that began in a seemingly abnormal way.
The night concluded with no fanfare, no exchanging of cash for sex, and no mention of my purported net worth or financial capability.
As I laid in bed that night, thinking back on the experience, my confusion only compounded.
'Did I just date an escort… and enjoy it? And surely, that date was an anomaly?' I thought to myself. 'It was a fluke. All of the other women on Seeking Arrangement are the trashy low lifes I'd expected…right?'
I resolved to roll the dice a few times more, just to figure out what the hell was going on here.
To my surprise and curiosity I found that merely half of the women with whom I went out had no designs on my financial assets.
They appeared to enjoy being around someone young and successful living a 'higher class' lifestyle. And, as long as I took them out and paid for a fun night out, the conversation never came up.
It felt more like dating than the 'mutually beneficial relationship' the site purportedly promotes.
Yet, don't get me wrong, half of the women I met on Seeking Arrangement strictly wanted an exchange of cash for sexual intimacy. And these women and I went our separate ways within an hour and I never heard from them again, yet the interactions only served to exacerbate my existing confusion.
Back mountain dating profile photography. These were the same sorts of women I regularly met at social venues, the same types of women I casually dated, the same types of women I've fallen in love with many times over.
Yet here they were. Sitting across from me and casually naming a price they were willing to accept for sex. Openly discussing the monetary value they placed on the most intimate part of their lives no different than if we were discussing her favorite Netflix show.
Don't they know this is probably illegal? I thought to myself.
Those experiences aside, I was pleasantly surprised by the relative normalcy of the overall experience with many of the women I met.
For men under 40 with a fun personality, and higher class lifestyle, it's possible to actively date–not pay to date–attractive women from Seeking Arrangement.
But to be honest, the main reason I experienced as much (unpaid) success as I did was that I'd spent the better part of a decade refining and honing my social skills. Learning how to hook a woman's interest, be non-needy, pass tests, physically escalate, sexualize interactions, and create the adventurous night outs that few women have ever experienced.
Without these skills, I have no doubt that all of my interactions would have resulted in women shamelessly trying to convert me into their loyal sugar daddy and requesting a 'sugar baby allowance' every time we met.
If you want to learn how to develop these skills and successfully date high-quality women without giving up half of your hard-earned monthly income to pay a sugar baby's monthly allowance then grab a copy of The Dating Playbook for Menwhich is the best book on the subject.
And watching my video training on becoming a stronger grounded man, doubling your confidence, reclaiming your personal power and working with a results oriented mentor will greatly help too. You can watch it here.
Even though I paid for the dates (just like any normal date), I noticed that the women who never asked me for money seemed attracted to the allure of status, power and the lifestyle that financial success can bring. Many of these women have been with broke boyfriend after broke boyfriend who never had the means to take her out and enjoy the simple luxuries that money can offer.
But, based on my conversations with men who have partaken in the sugar baby lifestyle and anecdotal 'reports from the field', I've realized that my personal experience is, most certainly, the exception…not the rule.
I was playing the game with an upper advantage. I had the skills necessary to date attractive women without using a site like Seeking Arrangement and the platform served as little more than a conduit through which the two of us connected.
But even as I found myself on a second or third date with some of the women I met on the site, there was an inescapable elephant in the room gnawing my mind.
How could I knowingly and willingly date a woman who was, by all reasonable expectations, likely engaged in other relationships that were tantamount to escorting?
How could I cope with the fact that the sweet and seemingly innocent women with whom I'd just shared an incredible evening, probably had a long roster of men she was planning to date, and potentially sleep with, for cash…the next week and god forbid the very same night!
My mind was racing as it led me to this question.
How does the systematization of and unfettered access to sugar dating affect men, women, and the traditional dating paradigm?
Will Sugar Babies Be the Demise of Men Or Help Men More Effectively Date in the 21st Century?
As I continued my descent deeper into the underbelly of this bizarre and baffling underworld I began to wonder…
Will being a sugar baby one day become as normal as having an online dating profile? How will the proliferation of sugar dating and Seeking Arrangement affect your average man in the 21st century?
Especially men who have become stagnant and lost their masculine edge. Men who are not working on themselves, living adventurous lives, staying in shape, increasing their income and developing their social skills.
I have strong reason to believe that for the men who are not growing personally and professionally it will be even harder, if not damn near impossible, for them to enter into relationships with attractive women from this day forward.
After all, why would a woman date men who are barely getting by with little ambition when they can auction their time and sex off to men who can provide far more enticing experiences and get paid for it?
How do i deactivate pof account. And for the men who do have the resources and financial cash flow necessary to sustain such a lifestyle? How will the one-dimensionality of their relationships affect their growth as a man?
If we're being honest, one of the primary drivers behind most men's efforts to improve themselves and increase their income is that they believe these improvements will garner the attention and affection of higher quality women.
But when the only factor at play is the size of a man's bank account, will he still feel the urge to pursue higher levels of personal, emotional, and spiritual development?
Or will he view himself as nothing more than a sex hungry walking ATM whose sole purpose is to earn more so that he can buy 'love', intimacy and affection from the women he really desires?
If relationships become predicated more and more heavily on a man's net worth and ability to provide luxurious and exciting experiences, I doubt that men will feel compelled to do the deep internal work that was previously necessary to maintain a lasting relationship with a high quality woman.
And the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how slippery the slope of sugar dating really is. It's all too common for a man to believe that the fastest way to date high quality women is, for lack of a better phrase – to get rich or die trying.
But what really troubles me, is there has never been a time in history where so many women from lower, middle and even upper classes in society have so freely and casually chosen to adopt a lifestyle that is tantamount to prostitution.
How Will Sugar Dating Affect Women and their Future?
To the outside observer, sugar dating, especially for women, seems like something of a fantasy.
Sugar babies seem to have it all.
They have a large pool of traditional male attention, emotional affection and boyfriends to choose from. Plus an elite network of affluent sugar daddies who make up for the boyfriend's modest socio-economic status.
The plight of the middle class—budgeting, saving, learning, investing, working hard to get ahead, spending most of your money on bills, rejecting mindless consumerism, embracing minimalism, overcoming struggle—these were all trivial matters that the sugar baby could avoid by auctioning herself to a sugar daddy.
With the simple act of spreading her legs, the adversity to which her mother and grandmother were subjected was now easily escapable. She could simply monetize her body and get a pass on life's hardships.
However, I couldn't help but wonder if they'd fully thought their decision through to the future?
Were they thinking of how this choice could affect their current or future partner or children? Would they be able to stop once their needs were met?
After all, quick cash (on which you don't pay taxes) can quickly become something of an addiction like drug dealers and strippers often share, so I began to wonder…
Would women engaged in this lifestyle wait even longer to get married and have children in order to fully capitalize on their youth and beauty?
Would she be caught in a vicious cycle until, one day, she realized that she'd focused her time and attention on the transient asset of her physical beauty, an asset that unfortunately, fewer men will come to value with age.
Would she find herself alone and destitute at 40+ years old, having spent little time developing herself or marketable skills and now having few options for employment that would compare to what she made as a sugar baby?
The more I thought about it, the more I began to wonder late at night…
Where does this dark and deep rabbit hole really go?
Every time I refreshed my browser on Seeking Arrangement I saw new sugar babies who had decided to auction themselves off to sugar daddies to partake in a more glamorous and appealing lifestyle than making money by working hard and finding a good man to raise a family with.
The millennial environment we find ourselves incentivizes women to go all-in on the quick cash of new age prostitution fueled by materialism, consumerism and exotic lifestyles driven by an ego galvanizing social media generation.
Many women don't want to wait until their 30s and 40s to become financially capable and sacrifice their youth, they want the life now – and at any cost.
Why gamble and wait until old age to enjoy a better life and luxury lifestyle when she can sell her time and body to a sugar daddy and enjoy it now?
I couldn't help but wonder what the feminists marching down the streets of Washington D.C and on college campuses around the nation in the late ‘60s would have thought about sugar dating? Or was this the type of self empowerment they'd fought so hard to achieve?
Political liberation was earned through decades of hard earned struggle. Dating app for outdoor enthusiasts magazine.
And today, for a growing number of women, financial liberation was only a few messages, dates, and panty drops away.
Blurred Lines: How Sugar Dating Changes the Modern Dating Landscape Forever
Sugar dating is the culmination of sexual opportunism
Young women, have been conditioned through social media and heavy marketing from billion dollar brands to seek expensive, consumerist, big-city luxury lifestyles and to seek them NOW.
FOMO (fear of missing out) is real and it's driving women to do things without thinking of its unintended consequences in the future. Many women are opting out of trying to earn their seat at the table through hard work and effort…and why wouldn't they?
Why sacrifice youth working 10 hour days for decades or at the very least, go through the journey with a partner who will, when you can simply spread your legs (which she was going to do anyway with a modest boyfriend) and have everything you want today.
Seeking Arrangement and similar sugar daddy and sugar baby sites served to bridge the gap between upper class older men who are tired of the stress of traditional relationships and the materialism fueled young women willing to trade their bodies for their media fueled dream of 'Keeping up with the Kardashian's'.
In a generation raised on Fifty Shades of Grey (which sold over 125 million books–just think about that for a second), the idea of a young and innocent woman relying on a rich older man was normalized and even fantasized.
The idea of having a sugar daddy is no longer a taboo and 'dirty' thing to keep hidden, but rather an idealized lifestyle that is actively encouraged and promoted by mainstream media in America.
How could I knowingly and willingly date a woman who was, by all reasonable expectations, likely engaged in other relationships that were tantamount to escorting?
How could I cope with the fact that the sweet and seemingly innocent women with whom I'd just shared an incredible evening, probably had a long roster of men she was planning to date, and potentially sleep with, for cash…the next week and god forbid the very same night!
My mind was racing as it led me to this question.
How does the systematization of and unfettered access to sugar dating affect men, women, and the traditional dating paradigm?
Will Sugar Babies Be the Demise of Men Or Help Men More Effectively Date in the 21st Century?
As I continued my descent deeper into the underbelly of this bizarre and baffling underworld I began to wonder…
Will being a sugar baby one day become as normal as having an online dating profile? How will the proliferation of sugar dating and Seeking Arrangement affect your average man in the 21st century?
Especially men who have become stagnant and lost their masculine edge. Men who are not working on themselves, living adventurous lives, staying in shape, increasing their income and developing their social skills.
I have strong reason to believe that for the men who are not growing personally and professionally it will be even harder, if not damn near impossible, for them to enter into relationships with attractive women from this day forward.
After all, why would a woman date men who are barely getting by with little ambition when they can auction their time and sex off to men who can provide far more enticing experiences and get paid for it?
How do i deactivate pof account. And for the men who do have the resources and financial cash flow necessary to sustain such a lifestyle? How will the one-dimensionality of their relationships affect their growth as a man?
If we're being honest, one of the primary drivers behind most men's efforts to improve themselves and increase their income is that they believe these improvements will garner the attention and affection of higher quality women.
But when the only factor at play is the size of a man's bank account, will he still feel the urge to pursue higher levels of personal, emotional, and spiritual development?
Or will he view himself as nothing more than a sex hungry walking ATM whose sole purpose is to earn more so that he can buy 'love', intimacy and affection from the women he really desires?
If relationships become predicated more and more heavily on a man's net worth and ability to provide luxurious and exciting experiences, I doubt that men will feel compelled to do the deep internal work that was previously necessary to maintain a lasting relationship with a high quality woman.
And the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how slippery the slope of sugar dating really is. It's all too common for a man to believe that the fastest way to date high quality women is, for lack of a better phrase – to get rich or die trying.
But what really troubles me, is there has never been a time in history where so many women from lower, middle and even upper classes in society have so freely and casually chosen to adopt a lifestyle that is tantamount to prostitution.
How Will Sugar Dating Affect Women and their Future?
To the outside observer, sugar dating, especially for women, seems like something of a fantasy.
Sugar babies seem to have it all.
They have a large pool of traditional male attention, emotional affection and boyfriends to choose from. Plus an elite network of affluent sugar daddies who make up for the boyfriend's modest socio-economic status.
The plight of the middle class—budgeting, saving, learning, investing, working hard to get ahead, spending most of your money on bills, rejecting mindless consumerism, embracing minimalism, overcoming struggle—these were all trivial matters that the sugar baby could avoid by auctioning herself to a sugar daddy.
With the simple act of spreading her legs, the adversity to which her mother and grandmother were subjected was now easily escapable. She could simply monetize her body and get a pass on life's hardships.
However, I couldn't help but wonder if they'd fully thought their decision through to the future?
Were they thinking of how this choice could affect their current or future partner or children? Would they be able to stop once their needs were met?
After all, quick cash (on which you don't pay taxes) can quickly become something of an addiction like drug dealers and strippers often share, so I began to wonder…
Would women engaged in this lifestyle wait even longer to get married and have children in order to fully capitalize on their youth and beauty?
Would she be caught in a vicious cycle until, one day, she realized that she'd focused her time and attention on the transient asset of her physical beauty, an asset that unfortunately, fewer men will come to value with age.
Would she find herself alone and destitute at 40+ years old, having spent little time developing herself or marketable skills and now having few options for employment that would compare to what she made as a sugar baby?
The more I thought about it, the more I began to wonder late at night…
Where does this dark and deep rabbit hole really go?
Every time I refreshed my browser on Seeking Arrangement I saw new sugar babies who had decided to auction themselves off to sugar daddies to partake in a more glamorous and appealing lifestyle than making money by working hard and finding a good man to raise a family with.
The millennial environment we find ourselves incentivizes women to go all-in on the quick cash of new age prostitution fueled by materialism, consumerism and exotic lifestyles driven by an ego galvanizing social media generation.
Many women don't want to wait until their 30s and 40s to become financially capable and sacrifice their youth, they want the life now – and at any cost.
Why gamble and wait until old age to enjoy a better life and luxury lifestyle when she can sell her time and body to a sugar daddy and enjoy it now?
I couldn't help but wonder what the feminists marching down the streets of Washington D.C and on college campuses around the nation in the late ‘60s would have thought about sugar dating? Or was this the type of self empowerment they'd fought so hard to achieve?
Political liberation was earned through decades of hard earned struggle. Dating app for outdoor enthusiasts magazine.
And today, for a growing number of women, financial liberation was only a few messages, dates, and panty drops away.
Blurred Lines: How Sugar Dating Changes the Modern Dating Landscape Forever
Sugar dating is the culmination of sexual opportunism
Young women, have been conditioned through social media and heavy marketing from billion dollar brands to seek expensive, consumerist, big-city luxury lifestyles and to seek them NOW.
FOMO (fear of missing out) is real and it's driving women to do things without thinking of its unintended consequences in the future. Many women are opting out of trying to earn their seat at the table through hard work and effort…and why wouldn't they?
Why sacrifice youth working 10 hour days for decades or at the very least, go through the journey with a partner who will, when you can simply spread your legs (which she was going to do anyway with a modest boyfriend) and have everything you want today.
Seeking Arrangement and similar sugar daddy and sugar baby sites served to bridge the gap between upper class older men who are tired of the stress of traditional relationships and the materialism fueled young women willing to trade their bodies for their media fueled dream of 'Keeping up with the Kardashian's'.
In a generation raised on Fifty Shades of Grey (which sold over 125 million books–just think about that for a second), the idea of a young and innocent woman relying on a rich older man was normalized and even fantasized.
The idea of having a sugar daddy is no longer a taboo and 'dirty' thing to keep hidden, but rather an idealized lifestyle that is actively encouraged and promoted by mainstream media in America.
The more I leaned into this dark and twisted underworld, despite my relatively benign experiences, the more bitter a taste it left in my mouth. It made me wonder…
Is traditional dating, love, and romance dead? Has monogamy breathed its last breath with my social media infused generation?
Although these questions might sound hyperbolic, the more deeply I dove into the underbelly of the sugar dating world, the more I began to believe they deserved an answer.
Millennial women are becoming increasingly comfortable monetizing their sexuality, both inside and outside of the sugar dating world.
Don't believe me?
Open up Instagram right now and tell me how many photos you can find of women flaunting their bodies to greater extremes to increase likes, followers and earn sponsorship deals.
Pictured: popular instagram models. Not known sugar babies.
Sugar dating, it seems, is the merging of two otherwise distinct and separate worlds.
It has brought together the transactional aspect of prostitution and combined it with the romantic aspects of traditional dating. And the more I opened my eyes and paid close attention to the modern hookup culture and dating scene around me, the more I saw my generation paving the way for widespread, normalized prostitution fueled by materialism and a need for instant gratification.
Women want money to fuel a grander lifestyle and with the inception of online sugar dating, everyone gets to live out their fantasies in an unregulated sugar bowl of lavish outings and raw intimate encounters.
And the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if maybe we weren't taking a step backwards, and this is only natural for men and women to act this way when given the opportunity?
After all, doesn't sugar dating, in some senses, hearken back to a pre-feminism era where dating and relationships were predicated primarily on the exchange of provider-ship and romantic companionship?
It seems all but inevitable that some women would disagree with the tenets of feminism and prefer to be 'taken care of', having the freedom to stay at home and perhaps explore their passions, hobbies, and artistic endeavors instead of being expected to join corporate America and perform at the same rate or higher as men do, while also being expected to raise children.
But I didn't imagine this many women would so willingly throw out what generations before them had fought so valiantly to achieve.
As I wrestled with this idea, I couldn't help but wonder if feminism may be contradictory to our evolutionary biology? Not to say I believe this to be true or want it to be, simply that the rapid rise of sugar dating and the millions of women voluntarily engaging in it raise many compelling points that might suggest this.
I found it more interesting to consider how a sugar daddy site like Seeking Arrangement had effectively served to normalize a dumbed down or 'lite' version of prostitution.
Look at it this way: In impoverished third world countries, women are often forced to resort to prostitution to survive. They simply have very few if no other alternatives. Yet, despite the necessity of their actions (and the atrocious fact that many women today are still sold into sexual slavery) they still face a lifetime of shame, judgement, and ostracization from society.
Yet, in the richest, safest, and most developed countries in the world, a bevy of women–women with a plethora of options for employment, higher education and self-sufficiency–have chosen to willingly volunteer their bodies to older men for money.
And for what? A few hundred dollars, a Gucci bag and trip to Bali?
With Seeking Arrangement, women today can effectively sell themselves and their bodies without the negative social repercussions carried by traditional prostitution, which historically prevented women from engaging in it.
Sugar babies are not standing in a sketchy alley at 2am surrounded by drug dealers and petty criminals risking their safety. They're on Seeking Arrangement messaging sugar daddies, watching the Bachelor on a 55' smart tv, posting instagram stories with an organic green smoothie in one hand and CBD gummy bears for her anxiety in the other.
With the lack of social consequences and the barrier to entry as underwhelming as entering their email address and clicking 'register', the floodgates of the sugar baby world have been flung wide open.
These women are afforded exactly what they want–a seemingly endless supply of cash, luxury vacations, and a high rolling lifestyle–in exchange for a life of quasi-prostitution. The only difference is that these women are not doing so out of necessity, but a desire for 'the good life'.
And this new paradigm has served to progressively but covertly blur the lines between traditional relationships and prostitution by mimicking elements of real romance.
Making me wonder…
What is Happening to Our Generation and Where Do We Go From Here?
Over the past 30 some years, men and women have been systematically but unintentionally brainwashed into what intimacy and romance is.
Women, grew up on Disney movies, rom coms and romance novels, learned to expect a knight in shining armor who would sweep them off their feet, defeat the evil dragon, and carry them away to a castle where they could live 'happily ever after'.
Men, were exposed to pornography at the age of ten and billion dollar corporations marketed sexy women in every magazine, movie and shopping mall corner. They were conditioned inversely to expect the women they date to be a sex-hungry freak willing to do anything and everything in her power to pleasure him on command.
Needless to say, both men and women have different fantasies about what 'romance' is. As age and experience started to set in, we realized that the Disney romantic fairy tale was unlikely to happen. Real sex is nothing like porn and women don't look like the women in magazines because it's nothing more than photoshopped perfection.
In response to the dissolution of their childhood and teenage fantasies it seems as if, quite suddenly, millions of women had decided to become undercover online prostitutes disguised as sugar babies.
Sugar babies get to live like a princess and have their materialistic dreams come true and sugar daddies get to build a harem of attractive women willing to do anything and everything he asks in exchange, of course, for cash.
And I know, that prospect itself is disturbing enough.
Yet the most disturbing part of my forays, however, was not the mere transactionalization of sex and romance, but rather the deceptive nature of the platform.
Many women with whom I connected through Seeking Arrangement, at least 20% of them voluntarily confessed that they were in a relationship and didn't want to be seen in public in certain parts of town.Many of them had boyfriends, husbands, and even children!
And yet, they hide their actions from the people they claim to love, promised to be truthful to and live a double life for the sake of an extra ‘0' in their bank account.
To me, that is where the problem really arises.
One of the most uncomfortable facts of this situation is that most men don't have even the slightest clue that this dark underworld exists in their own communities.
Many men reading this right now could be dating or in a relationship with a woman who is actively selling herself to rich men on the sly.
It seems to be a twisted and utilitarian form of relationship where things like 'love' and 'intimacy' are discarded in lieu of a cold and calculated logical and financial transaction. A catalyst for indulging in our most basic biological impulses for sex and survival while ignoring the other commitments already established in life.
That was the ugly, dehumanizing truth of the sugar dating world. A world where it becomes all too easy to forget that the person in front of you is actually a human being, with a story, feelings, emotions, dreams, and fears just like everyone else.
Today, I would estimate that fewer than 10% of the female population between the age of 18-35 have or have had sugar daddies, as the trend grows and becomes more widely accepted, those numbers will invariably rise.
To add fuel to the fire, sugar baby coaches and conferences now exist teaching newbie sugar babies how to effectively extract more cash from sugar daddies to give you an idea of where this is going.
Will the day come when it's as common for an attractive 20-something to have a sugar daddy as it is for her to have an app like Tinder (a tool to meet men too) on her phone? Will it be viewed as a rite of passage for young women into adulthood like going to prom?
As I consider my own experiences and the sugar dating stories I've heard from countless other men and women online, I can't help but wonder what the long term implications of this trend will be.
Is Seeking Arrangement simply a convenient service to expedite the speed with which individuals can meet their true needs?
Or is this merely a band aid solution to deeper political, societal and economic problems facing men and women today?
Or is it something more sinister and nefarious that will result in a generation of hedonistic Epicureanism and the eventual demise of our society's moral framework that we worked so hard to build?
Only time will tell.
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Devoted sex journalist that I am, when I heard that SeekingArrangement.com was hosting its first-ever Sugar Baby Summit, offering an afternoon of seminars for both beginners and masters of the Sugar lifestyle, I eagerly accepted the invitation to attend. Who would pass up on a day of that followed by an evening of people-watching at an awkward dating mixer? But more on that later.
Sugaring, in case you're new to the concept, is a type of relationship/lifestyle in which a Sugar Baby (SB) 'provides companionship in exchange for being pampered,' while a Sugar Daddy (SD) 'pampers Sugar Babies in return for companionship.' 'Pampering' is obviously a broad term, and can include explicitly negotiated financial compensation — like an allowance, tuition payments, or an investment into a Sugar Baby's business venture — or simply gifts, trips, and other treats. 'Companionship' is an equally broad term, which can range from explicitly negotiated sexual contracts, to casual dating, to a monogamous relationship, to being a married Daddy's secondary partner.
The Sugar Baby Summit seminars included important SB how-tos like style and beauty tips, Internet safety, and a funds management session hosted by (I kid you not) a former Romney-Ryan campaign staffer. Those were followed by a masquerade-themed mixer, where SBs could practice their newly honed skills on a club full of SDs (and oh was that soirée fascinating).
The Sugar Baby Lifestyle gets a lot of flack for being anti-feminist, patriarchal, or simply glorified sex work. But I — and a lot of sex-positive feminists like me — believe that A) there's nothing wrong with sex work, B) there are totally ways to live a feminist SB lifestyle, and C) there are ways to live an SB lifestyle that have nothing to do with being a sex worker whatsoever. There's nothing wrong with entering into a consensual, reciprocal relationship in which 'love' is exchanged for material gain. Sugaring can absolutely be a feminist act when performed by women who own their sexuality and are up-front about their needs and expectations.
And SeekingArrangements.com seemed committed to reinforcing this idea, making clear that there is nothing inherently anti-feminist about becoming a Sugar Baby. Yes, it (generally) plays into the idea of women lending their 'company' as they allow a man to financially support them. But a PR expert on one of the panels offered a useful reframing to anyone who feared that they might be contradicting their feminism by choosing the Sugar lifestyle. She pointed out:
'You're using what is available to you to get what you want. Men do the same thing, but they get more opportunity because of their privilege. Sugar Baby mentality is the same as alpha male mentality — you have ambition, you're dreaming for more.'
'I feel like such a lady boss,' veteran Sugar Baby Chelsea Ridenour tells the crowd during one seminar. 'It's about looking for what you want, knowing your boundaries, being smart, going after what you want.'
There are plenty of women who live both as Sugar Babies and as active feminists — the two are not mutually exclusive. What is anti-feminist, however, is how the Summit undermined its attempt to empower women by encouraging dishonesty and manipulation dressed up as ~flirtatious teasing~ and coquettishness. Of course, these tactics have their place in any power dynamic. But only once you've explicitly discussed your needs, desires, and expectations, and established boundaries and consent. And these vital concepts in power play were completely glossed over at the Sugar Baby Summit in a misguided effort to make the Sugar lifestyle seem 'accessible' and 'mainstream.'
For example, representatives from the website constantly obsessed over how the site was kept 'PG.' It was very clearly their intent to de-stigmatize Sugaring, and bring it into the light as a fun, exciting, sexy way to play, away from the shady taboos that are often associated with it.
But there's nothing R-rated about frank communication and consent. Or there shouldn't be. Unfortunately, in its shortsighted efforts to become a 'PG' 'dating/relationship' website (as opposed to a place to find sex), SeekingArrangement.com has some pretty murky, sex-negative policies.
Take, for example, the demographics of the Sugar Baby Summit: it was overwhelmingly populated by female SBs seeking male Sugar Daddies. One of the site reps chalked this up, in part, to some gender-biased language in the first email blast sent out about the event, which was later changed to be more inclusive. So, ultimately, a few male SBs did show up. I asked if there were any plans for LGBT mixers or 'gender swapped' summits in the future, and was met with a response that irked me, both as a feminist and as a queer woman. Site rep Brook Urick tells Bustle:
'It wouldn't really be cost efficient or warranted to have an event for just male or just LGBT [Sugar Babies]. I mean, only 10 percent of the population is gay, so only about five percent of our site is gay .. We are talking about doing some smaller LGBT mixers like in San Francisco or New York, where the communities are a bit bigger. But we like to garner a lot of media interest, and unfortunately only gay outlets are usually interested in gay events. And while that would be great, we get [the gay outlets covering us] anyway. We want to get as many people on the site as possible, and the fact is, everyone reads New York Daily News.
There are a lot of male Sugar Babies. There are. But there are not very many Sugar Mommies. Society kind of dictates that there wouldn't be very many Sugar Mommies, just because of gender roles, and how men are usually the provider, and it's kind of weird for a woman to be in [the Mommy] role, and it's kind of weird for a man to be in [the Sugar Baby] role.
I appreciate that SeekingArrangement.com is a business trying to turn a profit, and so the cogs of capitalism are going to be turning here. But saying that it's 'kind of weird for a woman to be in the mommy role' certainly isn't empowering to the strong, financially independent women for whom the site also offers services. And saying that there's no market for LGBT events is patently false — the queer community has proven time and again that if you create accessible queer spaces, queers will come (operative word: accessible). The myth that there 'isn't a market' for LGBT Sugaring can be dispelled with one visit to a 'Gay Professionals' Happy Hour Mixer, and the same can be said for male Babies/Sugar Mamas by viewing of a single episode of Real Housewives of New York.
The summit revealed its latent anti-feminism again later with the sex-positivity (or negativity, as it were) issue of disclosing your kink identity on the site. SeekingArrangement.com seems like a natural place to go if you're a Fi-Dom (financial Dom/me, controlling the finances of your submissive) or a pay pig (the submissive moneybags who gets off on relinquishing power over their financial assets to a Fi-Dom). And several site reps admitted that these folks exist on the site. The CEO, Brandon Wade, even implied that it was easy, if you were a BDSM-oriented Sugar Baby, to search profiles and find Daddies who were too.
However, I received contradictory remarks about how kosher disclosing your interest in financial, sexual, or psychological BDSM is on the site. One rep even ventured, 'I would say most of the girls on the site don't really understand [the BDSM lifestyle] and don't know what that is,' which is a borderline offensive underestimation of her clients.
The same rep added with regard to BDSM, 'If you have wording about being weird on there or something that would make someone uncomfortable, we actually have a team of people who will deny you. There are certain keywords and a threshold [for how many times you use them].'
So, all you 'weirdos' making folks 'uncomfortable' with your legitimate desires: this might not be the most hospitable place for you. I tried to ask what buzz words could get people scrubbed from the site, and was refused an answer: 'I can't tell you about the keywords, because if I did, then people would get around them by using other words, and we really don't want those kind of people on the site.'
Those kind of people.
But all of this was precisely my point — It seems difficult to navigate achieving honest communication about what people are looking for without setting off the NSFW alarms that would get users booted.
A different site representative backpedaled these views and said that it was perfectly fine to disclose your kink identity (should you have one), just that you couldn't solicit explicit acts or an explicit dynamic for money. Basically, no 'transactional language' is permitted on the site.
So there are a bunch of frustrating policies to wade through on SeekingArrangement.com itself, but for those who are committed to the SB lifestyle anyway, the seminar offered an array of tips on safe and effective Sugaring — many of them useful, and many reflecting the same problematic ideals that permeated the seminar.
1. Makeup is mandatory on dates
'Not that you aren't all beautiful without makeup,' SeekingArrangement rep Brook Urick gently told the Sugar Babies in attendance during her introduction. But it's mandatory.
2. But guys are afraid of too much makeup
'It screams high maintenance,' said the hair and makeup expert, who goes simply by Phoenix. 'They're afraid it's going to take you an hour to get ready.'
3. Be clean
Veteran Sugar Baby Chelsea told the crowd a cautionary tale of how she once got dumped for having makeup dregs in her sink when her Sugar Daddy came by to visit.
4. Go over your need/uses for funds
You're more likely to get cash out of your Sugar Daddy if you ask for money to help with specific costs: car payment, cell phone bill, student loan payments, etc. Successful business-type Daddies also respond well to requests for 'an investment' into your business venture, be it your lifestyle blog or your web series. All of this is basically the classy way to be like, 'give me x amount of dollars in exchange for my companionship now, please.'
5. How to deal with possessive Sugar Daddies
Sugaring is like any other form of freelance work — multiple streams of income is key. So what happens if you wind up with a possessive SD who doesn't want you seeing other guys? Expert SB Chelsea suggests taking this firm stance: 'Look, if you're not gonna give me a big allowance and you're not gonna let me see other people, then I'm not gonna see you.'
6. How to subtly bring up your financial arrangement on the first date
Chelsea recommends breaking the ice by asking 'So why SeekingArrangements instead of a regular dating site?' It can provide a natural transition into talking about your needs and expectations, if the idea of a frank money talk feels forced and transactional to you.
7. How to find a Sugar Daddy in the wild
So you want to go offline. If you're talking to a cute stranger and you want to know whether they have SD potential, try looking for expensive accessories (checking the quality of their watch was a specific tip), or bringing up 'traveling.' These can provide clues into their lifestyle and finances.
8. How to snag a Sugar Daddy in the wild
So you obviously have a moneyed human in your clutches while flirting in the field. How do you broach the subject of Sugaring? Chelsea suggests using the phrase 'mutually beneficial dating.' Ask them if they've heard of it, or if they have any interest in or experience with it. Perhaps open up about your experience/interest and see where things go.
9. Safety tips while traveling
A Sugar Daddy might be long-distance and ask you to travel to see him. Or, he might travel a lot himself and ask you to come with. Here are some safety tips to bear in mind when traveling for Sugar:
A. Share your Google Maps location with a friend. Basically, GPS chip yourself at all times.
B. Always have a round trip ticket. You don't want to get stranded if things go south.
C. Make sure a hotel room is in your name, or that you have your own key. It gives you back some power when you're traveling on his dime.
10. Securing a married Sugar Daddy is basically hitting the jackpot
Forty percent of SeekingArrangement users are married Sugar Daddies, most of whom are acting with permission from their wives. Married SDs are 'less clingy,' says Chelsea, and they often give bigger allowances. They're also usually more relaxed about you having multiple partners.
'He doesn't want to settle down and get married,' adds Brook. 'He doesn't want to go out all the time, meaning a more low-key relationship.'
11. Married Sugar Daddy etiquette
Don't call or text a married SD — their families might see those notifications on their phones; email is best when contacting a married SD. Also, don't hang out in their neighborhood on dates.
12. Sugar Babies aren't gold diggers
According to CEO Brandon Wade, 'You don't care what other people think. You're into having fun. You have a lot to offer somebody else.'
13. Know exactly what you want and what you don't want
Then, commodify your knowledge of your needs. Your needs are your power. Express them to get what you want, or withhold the information to draw out mystery. Says Brandon, 'If you join the site for a Chanel bag, you're going to get used. The best way to a man's wallet is through his heart. I'd say no sex for the first month. Hold a lot of mystery. A-type players are successful and on the site for a challenge.'
Seeking Arrangement Sugar Baby Profile Examples For Women
14. You don't necessarily have to put out to cash in
'I'm never going to have sex with you but I will let you think so for one more month,' Chelsea recalls of her thought process dating one particular Daddy. So it is possible to commodify your flirtation, companionship, and attention, if you don't necessarily want to sleep with a potential Daddy.
15. Find sugar sisters
There's a huge Sugar Baby community on Tumblr. Make friends, share experiences, learn new things, and, most importantly, publicly shame 'Salt Daddies' — older men who date younger women but have 'nothing to offer' them.
16. Some guys will resent you for being independently successful
'I feel like a lot of guys resent me for being able to travel on my own,' shared one independently wealthy Sugar Baby, who was mostly on the site to find guys with similar lifestyles.
17. On Sugaring while being a mom
A. Never introduce an SD to your kids, advises Vine star Danyelle Rose.B. Don't bring up that you have kids until date five.C. SDs who were raised by single mothers will allegedly have a lot more respect for you.
18. Many Sugar Babies lead double lives, but Sugaring can kill your desire for regular relationships
It's common for women to have regular boyfriends while they date Sugar Daddies, or while they have platonic Sugar Daddies. But Sugaring can ruin regular relationships, warns Brook.
'As it goes on, [Sugar Babies] usually figure out that normal guys aren't really for them,' she says. 'They get used to [a certain lifestyle], and when someone can't provide you with those things, it builds resentment.'
As you can see, a lot of the advice doled out pushed teasing, omission, and indirect communication as ways to get what you want. Over and over again, I saw women discouraged from being up-front about their intentions and boundaries because it would 'turn off' a potential Daddy and compromise their ability to cash in. This is what's anti-feminist about Sugaring — pandering to anti-feminist Sugar Daddies. Lots of power-tripping dudes will get turned off by a woman wielding her power in explicit ways. That's why you talk about how you like power to change hands at the outset, when you're defining the terms of your dynamic. If you skip that step, you might end up with a Daddy who controls you not because you like it (feminist), but because it's his default to treat women that way (not feminist). And that guy doesn't deserve to be rewarded with an awesome, thoughtful, savvy Sugar Baby like you.
Sugar Baby Profile Examples To Use
I think Sugaring is a completely valid, totally great lifestyle/relationship choice. But I also think that, like in all relationships, you have to practice complete honesty and openness with your partner or partners. This is especially true when the relationship has a transactional nature or a power dynamic built into it. And if your Sugar Daddy can't deal with that like a grown-up, then he isn't worth his salt.
